Bye Bye Bryan

Bye Bye Bryan

I was married.  Not for long.  Getting divorced initially was not what I wanted...I met the person I wanted to spend my life with, have a family and grow old together.  I didn't sign up for the infidelity or the massive amount of debt that he racked up.  When he split I was left with a lot of bills and struggled financially.  I went to therapy (everyone should go to therapy at least once in their life if not more often), moved on and never looked back.

In my having to put the house up for sale, moving, dealing with our debts and adjusting to being single...I utilized a triage approach.  What was necessary was dealt with first...and the rest can wait.  This is what I told myself.

Three things saved me - my parents, my friends and my coaching.  I truly am lucky to have such amazing support and I don't know what I would have done if my parents and friends were not there for me.  I also found that I could escape when I went to the rink.   I would walk into the rink and leave my back pack of shit at the door.   It was the best feeling to watch the smile emerge from a kid or an adult as they learn or master an element.  For a couple of hours I could just let my focus be elsewhere and it was a much needed break for my mind and my heart.

Getting back to my triage approach.  It worked for me at the time and the one thing I could not deal with was paper (including pictures) - filing it, where to put it, what to save and not save.  My office became a wasteland of piles of paper and anything else I thought I should keep but didn't know what to do with.  Ok hold on you don't need to call the reality show for hoarders.   I had confronted my divorce emotionally and was (am) in a good place.  So I decided to tackle the rest and make it a project to get organized and clean out everything.  I was purging my past physically and saying "bye bye Bryan - all of it".

Purging

I started with a box of pictures.  I didn't do this before because I'm sentimental and I would probably have cried longer than I needed to or that time would allow.  I looked at the pictures and then pitched them.  It actually felt pretty good.  Next up was a big rubbermaid container that had items that Kelli helped me throw in so I wouldn't get caught up going through everything.  I opened the box and found a wedding planner, more pictures in frames, wedding gifts/items, a video of our wedding and random items like a bike pump and garden items.  I don't know why those were in there but I emptied the bin - it was like each step I took was closer to being done.  I took my wedding dress to my friend Diana who could sell it on Ebay for me.   I even gave her the professional photos so she could post the pictures to help sell it.

The last thing to take care of was the bike.  He left his bike and it has been collecting dust.  It also needed a part and so I had my dad help me figure out what I needed, purchased the part and took it to a place to put it on consignment.

My Office

My neglected office - a wasteland

My office even though did not have any mementos of my failed marriage but signs of the disruption it caused.  I found two large boxes and marked them recycle and shred.  I started sorting things into the boxes and the garbage.  The first go around my mom helped take the recycling out and shredded items until the shredder died.   This was helpful because I was so overwhelmed...it was helpful to have her there.

My piles of paid bills were not only in my office but on my dining table and I also worked through that. It felt great to get an sense of order and I found a some random cash and an unused gift certificate to Nordstrom.

Clean surfaces

Then I hit a wall - I broke the shredder.   Plus a 3 sheet shredder does not really take 3 sheets and it was taking forever.  So I ordered the behemoth 12 page shredder with options to shred cds and credit cards. It even had a 2 year warranty...which is good for me.

Papers shredded, papers filed and the office is organized.  I'm hoping to get a bookcase and to frame a few more things to add to the walls.

Diplomas, certificates and pictures hung

Done!

I'm stronger than I was, I use my voice and speak up and out (even if it is shaking) and that was a catalyst of change that came out of my divorce.  See some things are just meant to be and I'm happy right where I am.